To me as an oral presentations coach, this was surprising. After all, my job is to bring clarity to their communications. But for the client it was beside the point. They wanted to work on all the other stuff – what to say and how to say it, but the disfluency was staying.

I accept that this is a cultural construct, but if a person wants to develop their professional presence, I want to know how they can do that if they lisp, or say ‘v’ not ‘t’? Rightly or wrongly, in this culture, those sounds say ‘baby talk’. To be serious about sounding professional (ie mature, intelligent, capable) they need to be reduced, or better still, overcome. I have an associate who is a speech pathologist and I refer people on – but only if they agree to it. Am I old fashioned?

If you’re a parent of a school aged child you’re familiar with competitions – maybe on the field or court or track, or maybe in classrooms and halls and auditoriums.  Some of you have kids whose exercise is done above the neck. Kids who use their intellect and wit and their knowledge of the outside world, and their reasoning and verbal skills competitively – in debating, or pubic speaking, or mock trial or Model UN. How many of these kids are daughters? In high school, about one in four is my guess.

Researchers have written for decades about the differences in the way females and males communicate. Put simply, women talk to connect, men to establish their status.  Women talk to strengthen bonds. Men to get up the ladder.  Women downplay their success (you won’t like me if I’m better than you). Men talk openly about theirs. Women talk lots in a private space (ask any hairdresser). Men talk in public, it earns them points on the success-o-meter.

When the Australian Schools Debating Team for 2010 was announced recently, its members were all girls. A breakthrough? It’s too soon to say, but I’m hopeful.  In the last 20 years, boys have outnumbered girls at this elite level by two to one.  In public schools debating, boys schools walked away with many more honours over the years than girls or co-ed schools did. In competitive public speaking girls seem to be active in the primary and junior secondary years, but as they get older, numerically speaking, it’s boys on top. Winners of the Sydney Morning Herald Plain English Speaking Award for example, include several names now familiar in public life, but only ten out of all 32 winners are female.

Why is this the case? Because the older girls don’t even put themselves forward. Somehow, as a society, we’ve come to believe that in public, male-speak is the norm.  And as women, we just count ourselves out. It’s easier than dealing with the difficulties you’ll face.

To quote Georgetown linguistics professor Deborah Tannen, if women ‘talk in ways expected of women, they are liked but underestimated. If they talk in ways expected of men in the same position, they are seen as too aggressive’. It’s the Hillary Clinton problem: if you’re a good woman, you’re not a good leader, if you’re a good leader, you’re not a good woman.

But in the public space – politics or management or anywhere that people look at you and to you, presentation is the path to power. Clever, confident, overbearing and boastful men are tolerated – even expected in the public domain. Clever, unassuming, empathic and insightful women apply their presentation skills in the private space: in classrooms, and surgeries, and back at the office – writing briefing notes for men.

I know of no-one who can get through life without being able to inform or persuade and communicate verbally. Not while you get a job by going for an interview, or purchase at auction by calling out, or get a loan by talking to your bank manager.  But I know plenty of people who are paralysed by the fear of making a fool of themselves if they speak at a meeting, give or accept congratulations, take the leadership role they’re offered, or deliver a conference paper on a subject they may be an expert on.  Many of these people are female.

Oral presentations are now part of the school curriculum, thankfully. It’s a very small start to what really needs to be a wholesale change. Let’s hope the all-girl Australian debating team signals a genuine shift: the emergence of an authoritative, powerful but distinctly female voice that we’ll hear much more of in public life in future.